We may be currently in the throes of March Madness, but I’ve been wading through my own un-sports-related madness this entire first quarter of 2024.
As mentioned last month, the first part of the year is always a tough time for me, thanks to seasonal depression and the post-holiday crash. On top of that, I felt grossly out of my depth as a freelancer and a small business owner.
In January, I proudly shared on Instagram that I had eight consistent clients lined up for the year. This is amazing security for a freelancer. Followers hearted the post and shared complimentary words. What they didn’t see, however, was me having a bit of a breakdown as I tried to wrap my head around fulfilling all the content writing and editing needs. To accommodate these clients and salvage my fraying mental health, I had to make some tough decisions. I stopped writing for a couple of outlets I’d been working with for years and backed out of an opportunity that, pre-2024, sounded great.
To quote the utterly relatable Bilbo Baggins, “I [felt] thin, sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread.”
So, I slashed my workload and strove to make sense of the deadlines, meetings, and word counts I was facing. My current target/finish line is April 5, and I’m ahead of schedule in taking this quarter down. I’ve taken the freelance bull by the horns, so to speak. Going forward, there’s even a possibility of taking on a couple of additional clients and projects, as the second quarter promises to be less chaotic and less mentally/emotionally taxing.
How did I keep my head above water during this personal and professional tribulation? Well, I had to implement boundaries and actually stick to them. This is easier said than done, even for a responsible, achievement-driven, first-born female who juggles aspects of both Type A and Type B personalities.
I don’t work past 7 p.m. unless absolutely necessary to meet a deadline, I don’t look at my emails past 7 p.m. unless absolutely necessary to meet a deadline, and I don’t work on weekends unless absolutely necessary to meet a deadline.
You catch my drift.
On top of adhering to boundaries, I am also working to become more proficient at combating waves of imposter syndrome. As the definition outlines, at times, I feel anxious and lack that feeling of internal success, even though, outwardly, I appear to be high-performing in objective ways – submitting content early, designing promo materials (I am not a graphic designer), learning how to use new programs, or simply accomplishing the items on my daily to-do list.
Then there are the days when I simultaneously feel like I’m doing too much and not enough, which are real downers. You feel bad for taking a break and also for working later than planned – it’s one of those lose-lose double-edged sword-type scenarios. Getting stuck in this dichotomous way of thinking can lead to a free-fall rabbit hole that invokes some dark questions:
Does what I’m doing matter? Who really cares? Can I even do this? Should I just quit?
But then…
A friend expressed gratitude at being included in a local blog post I wrote promoting their upcoming event;
I saw a sneak peek of a designed publication for which I wrote content;
Work associates offered to be references so I could respond to contract proposals;
Generous word-of-mouth brought another potential client to my inbox;
An executive director admitted a piece I wrote brought a tear to their eye;
Interviewees thanked me for the job I do;
A former coworker asked if they could give out my business contact information;
And an organization co-founder called me a magical unicorn.
Remembering that people value what you do and want you to succeed makes a huge difference when faced with loads of self-doubt, blocked creativity, and a maxed-out schedule.
No matter how you earn your bread or where you do your job, it’s easy to get bogged down. It’s also easy for others to glamorize someone else’s work situation, like, for example, if you work from home. Working out of the home indeed has advantages. I determine my schedule, don’t have to do a full face of makeup every day, and get to vacuum the kitchen floor at noon. But there are also cons, like no true separation between work and home life. And my favorite, overworking, which is easy to do when you don’t leave your home office at the end of the day. Hence, the boundaries I mentioned above.
It’s not easy being a freelancer or running a small business, whether you’re a writer, artist, musician, photographer, graphic designer, social media manager, consultant, etc., and some days, weeks, months, and quarters are easier than others. 2024’s first three months threw me through a few loops, but I had friends, family, and work associates ready to offer encouragement and help me rest my overwhelmed brain.
As difficult as some days were earlier this year, I know I am stronger and better equipped to face the challenges and feelings when they come around next. It won’t be easy, but I’ve survived the madness once; therefore, logic tells me I can do it again. I’ll just have to remind myself to remain calm and sally forth. There’s always next quarter anyway.
Coming up next:
April – Authorly Ambitions